fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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