you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
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Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
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I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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