The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
