I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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