my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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