Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
