since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
When are your genitals available?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
