Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Welp...herpes.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
