Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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