I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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