Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I could fuck to npr.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
