Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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