I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
