i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
