The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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