I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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