we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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