textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
