all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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