her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
