you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
