Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
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Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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