so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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