Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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