...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
