whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
So many bounce houses so little time
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
