census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
