I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
