I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
