so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
