Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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