Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
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