Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize