That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize