so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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