Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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