Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
