Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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