I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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