??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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