eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
