i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
whose parrot is this?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
