there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize
