I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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