I heard we made out
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
