well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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