How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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