its not stalking. its research.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
