I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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