I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize