His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
