hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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