i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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