this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
