I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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