using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
