if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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