Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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