He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
