i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
