We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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