After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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