you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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