Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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