In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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