My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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