On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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