hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
