I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
