Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
