U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
