he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize