Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
