I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
