just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
