At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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