Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
