so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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