Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
