I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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